There appears to be an epidemic of inappropriateness pervading the job interview world these days. Several people I know have gotten questions that left them, literally, speechless—and one wasn’t so much disconcerted by a question as by the manner in which it was asked.
Following, a few suggestions I made for how each of them might have responded. If any of you have additional ideas, I’d love to hear them. (Alternatively, if you’ve been asked anything, or experienced anything, that left you confounded, I’d love to hear those stories, too.)
Q: “Do you know the average age of the people who work in this company?”
This was a question an older client of mine got when she applied for a position in a very youthful organization. While I can only speculate about what the interviewer’s intention might have been, I can tell you the result was my client was left feeling shamed for even applying.
How did I recommend she handle this kind of leading question?
Leading questions demand fact-based responses. You don’t want to get into what you think your questioner is after, or do the dirty work of negating something that hasn’t been overtly stated.
Consequently, my Monday-morning quarterbacking coaching to her was to have responded, “I do.”
Q: “You realize you’re going to need to ugly-up if you get this job.”
This leading question was asked of one of my, admittedly, extraordinarily beautiful clients. As always, we could only speculate about the questioner’s intention-- though I have to say we both found the pigtail-pulling undertone distinctly…underwhelming.
In this instance, again, I didn’t want her to do the troublemaker’s dirty work for him. Consequently, my 20/20 hindsight recommendation was to go with the factual, “I don’t understand what you’re saying.”
Admittedly, thinking on your feet when you’re asked these types of questions isn’t easy, but if you can keep your answer short, sweet, and fact-based you’re likely to disconcert your questioner as much as he or she has disconcerted you.
Finally, one of my clients went into an interview during which, in her words, “The interviewer turned his back to me throughout the interview and asked his questions while looking out the window.”
How did I recommend she handle it? Well, calling him on his behavior was going to end in a lose/lose. His reaction was unlikely to be positive, her outcome was therefore likely to be negative. Consequently, I suggested saying,
‘I find it hard to answer your questions without being able to see your face. May I ask you to turn around, or may I join you at the window?”
What makes this statement powerful is that she takes the onus on herself-- it’s not that he’s being difficult, it’s that she finds it tricky to talk to someone who refuses to look at her. Also, it reminds him that her goal is to be her best self in every situation, no matter how difficult.
And, as I’m sure you’ve discovered, if we can be our best selves-- regardless of the circumstances-- not only do we wow others, we wow ourselves: the ultimate challenge.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
"Freedom's Just Another Word..."
I'm guessing that those of you who've listened to the Grateful Dead (actively or passively) can finish the above phrase. For those of you who haven't, it ends,"for nothing left to lose."
Right now hundreds of us are feeling we have very little left to lose. Let go from our jobs; told we aren't getting a raise/bonus this year; asked to take on work so far outside our job description that we think we should have a new title (but, by the way, we're not getting that either) it can be very tempting to lash out, or hide out, or simply be strung out.
Under the circumstances, who can blame us?
But here's the tricky bit: even when the world doesn't blame us, we tend to blame ourselves. I know very few people who blow their stack, duck the question, or procrastinate, who don't end up berating themselves for their choice shortly afterward.
With this in mind, let's consider the second half of the definition of freedom.
Part one says, "An absence of undue restrictions;" Part Two says, "AND (capital letters mine) an opportunity to exercise one's rights and powers."
Because here's the thing: while it may seem like we have no choice, we do have one. We are free to choose how we respond to our situation.
And while it can seem facile, or simple-minded, or just plain stupid, for me to write this when so many of us have negative bank balances, I would have us consider the following quote from Thich Nhat Hanh: "A man is rich not in what he possesses, but in what he can do without, with dignity."
(Dignity is a word you don't see a lot these days, but I'm thinking it's time for it to make a comeback.)
No, these aren't easy times. They require a degree of self-knowledge, self-discipline, and self-correction few of us have had to exercise before.
But if we can-- when we can-- we'll be both stronger and happier.
And we'll experience lasting freedom.
Right now hundreds of us are feeling we have very little left to lose. Let go from our jobs; told we aren't getting a raise/bonus this year; asked to take on work so far outside our job description that we think we should have a new title (but, by the way, we're not getting that either) it can be very tempting to lash out, or hide out, or simply be strung out.
Under the circumstances, who can blame us?
But here's the tricky bit: even when the world doesn't blame us, we tend to blame ourselves. I know very few people who blow their stack, duck the question, or procrastinate, who don't end up berating themselves for their choice shortly afterward.
With this in mind, let's consider the second half of the definition of freedom.
Part one says, "An absence of undue restrictions;" Part Two says, "AND (capital letters mine) an opportunity to exercise one's rights and powers."
Because here's the thing: while it may seem like we have no choice, we do have one. We are free to choose how we respond to our situation.
And while it can seem facile, or simple-minded, or just plain stupid, for me to write this when so many of us have negative bank balances, I would have us consider the following quote from Thich Nhat Hanh: "A man is rich not in what he possesses, but in what he can do without, with dignity."
(Dignity is a word you don't see a lot these days, but I'm thinking it's time for it to make a comeback.)
No, these aren't easy times. They require a degree of self-knowledge, self-discipline, and self-correction few of us have had to exercise before.
But if we can-- when we can-- we'll be both stronger and happier.
And we'll experience lasting freedom.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Mic Snatching Aside, Kanye's Apology Didn't Wow
As has been endlessly discussed, Kanye West snatched the microphone from Taylor Swift during her acceptance speech at the Music Awards. What has received less press is his apology on Jay Leno, and I'm here to say he did not wow: had you been watching with the sound off, there is no way you would have guessed he was contrite. Slouched in his seat, gaze averted, he looked anything but anxious to make his point.
What else am I basing my thoughts on? Well, while he said he was going to apologize to Ms. Swift, he hadn't done so as of her appearance on The View the next day. And while I understand he called the show while she was on, I am guessing it was at the insistence of his publicist, who was likely watching The View and as appalled as I was that he hadn't followed through on his very public claim to want to be in touch.
I also find Mr. West's choice of language interesting. "It was rude. Period." doesn't leave a lot of room for anyone to say anything more-- including Mr. West.
Here's the thing: when you apologize, you MUST exude authenticity. Kanye West shouldn't have spoken up until he could do so with grace. We all make mistakes-- how we clean them up is when our character is revealed.
What else am I basing my thoughts on? Well, while he said he was going to apologize to Ms. Swift, he hadn't done so as of her appearance on The View the next day. And while I understand he called the show while she was on, I am guessing it was at the insistence of his publicist, who was likely watching The View and as appalled as I was that he hadn't followed through on his very public claim to want to be in touch.
I also find Mr. West's choice of language interesting. "It was rude. Period." doesn't leave a lot of room for anyone to say anything more-- including Mr. West.
Here's the thing: when you apologize, you MUST exude authenticity. Kanye West shouldn't have spoken up until he could do so with grace. We all make mistakes-- how we clean them up is when our character is revealed.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
So You Want Your Kid Out of the Basement....
Summer's come-- and now gone-- and while it was fun to have your college-graduate around the house for a few months, their persistent non-response to, “Have you thought about what kind of job you might get?” is becoming worrying. With this in mind, here’s a down-and-dirty list of things you can do to help them present their best self:
Listen to Their Voice Mail Message:
Voice mail is often the first contact the majority of the world has with us. And while you know that anything along the lines of “Yo dawg!” isn’t going to wow, I would also encourage them to stand while recording it to give their voice resonance, speak slowly enough that the caller is sure they’ve reached the correct person, and record it in a silent space: no background music, television, highway or restaurant sounds…
Exchange a Few Emails with Them:
Hotkitty and its ilk,shaft@hotmail.com are not appropriate email addresses for use in any situation. Additionally, I’m not a fan of obscure combinations of letters and numbers. While it might be immediately apparent to them that this address is their initials/birthday or some such, they are making others work too hard to remember it. And, as we’ve learned, when you make me work too hard I feel stupid, and when I feel stupid, I don’t like you. Instead, have them buy their name as a dot.com. Why? Because linking their email to a service that is used by millions of others (gmail, aol, roadrunner, etc) doesn’t leave the impression of them as unique—as a force to be reckoned with. Buying their name tells others they take themselves seriously.
Make Sure They Have Cards—Not Credit Cards, Business Cards
Again, having a business card signals the world that they take themselves seriously. What do I recommend these include? Their full name and contact information, and multiple ways to reach them (email, snail mail, land line, cell, skype, etc.) Different people are comfortable with different forms of communication—so make sure they have a number of different options on offer. What don’t I want to see? I’d prefer that cards not include a description of what they want to do, because while they may indeed want be a writer, designer, agent, or producer there’s a whiff of desperation to including that on a card. I also don’t recommend including slogans, mission statements, affirmations, inspirational sayings, etc.
Check Out Their Facebook/My Space/Twitter Page:
Don’t kid yourself: employers will be checking these prior to deciding with whom they’re going to follow up. Given this, any postings referencing the intimate details of their personal relationship, GI tract, or mental health; and any photos in which they are drinking, smoking, leering, sneering, suggestively posed, or otherwise indisposed must be deleted. When in doubt, ask the following question: “Does this entry/picture make me sound/look like I can be trusted with $100,000.00?” If it doesn’t, get rid of it. Any protests along the lines of, “But I don’t want people to think I’m not fun,” can be countered with, “They’ll think you’re fun when you can buy them a drink-- because you have a salary.”
Listen to Their Voice Mail Message:
Voice mail is often the first contact the majority of the world has with us. And while you know that anything along the lines of “Yo dawg!” isn’t going to wow, I would also encourage them to stand while recording it to give their voice resonance, speak slowly enough that the caller is sure they’ve reached the correct person, and record it in a silent space: no background music, television, highway or restaurant sounds…
Exchange a Few Emails with Them:
Hotkitty and its ilk,shaft@hotmail.com are not appropriate email addresses for use in any situation. Additionally, I’m not a fan of obscure combinations of letters and numbers. While it might be immediately apparent to them that this address is their initials/birthday or some such, they are making others work too hard to remember it. And, as we’ve learned, when you make me work too hard I feel stupid, and when I feel stupid, I don’t like you. Instead, have them buy their name as a dot.com. Why? Because linking their email to a service that is used by millions of others (gmail, aol, roadrunner, etc) doesn’t leave the impression of them as unique—as a force to be reckoned with. Buying their name tells others they take themselves seriously.
Make Sure They Have Cards—Not Credit Cards, Business Cards
Again, having a business card signals the world that they take themselves seriously. What do I recommend these include? Their full name and contact information, and multiple ways to reach them (email, snail mail, land line, cell, skype, etc.) Different people are comfortable with different forms of communication—so make sure they have a number of different options on offer. What don’t I want to see? I’d prefer that cards not include a description of what they want to do, because while they may indeed want be a writer, designer, agent, or producer there’s a whiff of desperation to including that on a card. I also don’t recommend including slogans, mission statements, affirmations, inspirational sayings, etc.
Check Out Their Facebook/My Space/Twitter Page:
Don’t kid yourself: employers will be checking these prior to deciding with whom they’re going to follow up. Given this, any postings referencing the intimate details of their personal relationship, GI tract, or mental health; and any photos in which they are drinking, smoking, leering, sneering, suggestively posed, or otherwise indisposed must be deleted. When in doubt, ask the following question: “Does this entry/picture make me sound/look like I can be trusted with $100,000.00?” If it doesn’t, get rid of it. Any protests along the lines of, “But I don’t want people to think I’m not fun,” can be countered with, “They’ll think you’re fun when you can buy them a drink-- because you have a salary.”
Sunday, August 23, 2009
"No Sweat" Makes Me Sweat
I did a quick Tweet the other day on my aversion to mixing slang and bodily functions, and received so much mail about it that it occurred to me I might want to write up an 'expanded edition.'
My initial note mentioned that "Pick your brain," "Sweat equity" and "Behavioral Leakage" made me feel nauseated...just a bit cold and clammy. Others added the following-- which I have ranked below in order of ascending (to me) grossness:
Eye candy
Knuckle sandwich
Elbow grease
Long in the tooth
Pissed off
No sweat
Pizza face
and-- the $100,000 winner-- Verbal diarrhea
I look forward (in that way that you watch a horror film through your fingers) to any additions you might have
P.S. Because there were a number of questions about this: "behavioral leakage" is a term used in my field-- media training-- for when a person's words and actions don't match; his or her mouth is saying one thing, but actions are speaking louder....
My initial note mentioned that "Pick your brain," "Sweat equity" and "Behavioral Leakage" made me feel nauseated...just a bit cold and clammy. Others added the following-- which I have ranked below in order of ascending (to me) grossness:
Eye candy
Knuckle sandwich
Elbow grease
Long in the tooth
Pissed off
No sweat
Pizza face
and-- the $100,000 winner-- Verbal diarrhea
I look forward (in that way that you watch a horror film through your fingers) to any additions you might have
P.S. Because there were a number of questions about this: "behavioral leakage" is a term used in my field-- media training-- for when a person's words and actions don't match; his or her mouth is saying one thing, but actions are speaking louder....
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Victimhood is Powerful-- but it Doesn't Wow
This past weekend, some young chums of mine (10 and 7) took part in a lifeguarding clinic. One of the elements practiced was how to signal to a guard that you were in need of assistance. To do this, they were instructed to tread water, wave their arms over their heads, and yell, "Help!"
After this correct "form" had been demonstrated, the kids were asked,
"Who wants to be a victim?"
This was greeted by a chorus of, "Me, me me!"
The result? These self-appointed "victims" had a chance to be rescued by numerous hunky lifeguards, running toward them in true "Baywatch" style-- hair blowing in the breeze, whistles blowing, lifesaving torpedoes at the ready....
It was easy to see the seduction of the choice.
I'm sure many of you know someone who has a similar response to situations in their life-- someone who eagerly signs up to be saved; who wants nothing more than to cling to the torpedo, be dragged to safety-- and perhaps even given mouth to mouth...
Because, let's face it: victimhood is powerful.
That said, I maintain it does not wow.
And beyond the non-wowing of others, ultimately it doesn't wow those who make the choice-- because if you're always being saved by someone else, you never have the chance to actually build self-esteem.
You never have the satisfaction of saving yourself.
Now, I am not saying that when you find yourself in over your head, it isn't OK to ask for help.
I am also not saying that having a safety plan in place isn't smart.
(In fact, I recommend both of these things-- I'm an advice-asking, safety-first kind of girl.)
What I'm talking about is people who wave and holler before they've even braved the water.
Because, as those of you know who have had the good fortune to safely navigate the personal riptides of your life, there is enormous confidence to be gained from learning to navigate using your own wit and wisdom.
After this correct "form" had been demonstrated, the kids were asked,
"Who wants to be a victim?"
This was greeted by a chorus of, "Me, me me!"
The result? These self-appointed "victims" had a chance to be rescued by numerous hunky lifeguards, running toward them in true "Baywatch" style-- hair blowing in the breeze, whistles blowing, lifesaving torpedoes at the ready....
It was easy to see the seduction of the choice.
I'm sure many of you know someone who has a similar response to situations in their life-- someone who eagerly signs up to be saved; who wants nothing more than to cling to the torpedo, be dragged to safety-- and perhaps even given mouth to mouth...
Because, let's face it: victimhood is powerful.
That said, I maintain it does not wow.
And beyond the non-wowing of others, ultimately it doesn't wow those who make the choice-- because if you're always being saved by someone else, you never have the chance to actually build self-esteem.
You never have the satisfaction of saving yourself.
Now, I am not saying that when you find yourself in over your head, it isn't OK to ask for help.
I am also not saying that having a safety plan in place isn't smart.
(In fact, I recommend both of these things-- I'm an advice-asking, safety-first kind of girl.)
What I'm talking about is people who wave and holler before they've even braved the water.
Because, as those of you know who have had the good fortune to safely navigate the personal riptides of your life, there is enormous confidence to be gained from learning to navigate using your own wit and wisdom.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Bananas Have Their Own Bag
An alternative title for "Did They Wow?" has always been, "ThingsI"mNotAvailableFor.com" Among these things, people who put fruit and vegetables in plastic bags at the supermarket or farm stand.
Now, I will admit that bringing in your own bags to collect your groceries is not for everyone (much as I wish it was) but, to me, putting a bunch of carrots in a plastic bag, 3 peaches in a plastic bag, 5 lemons in a plastic bag... All before putting them all in another, larger plastic bag....Well, it's a bit upsetting.
What would I recommend instead?
My request would be to simply lay your fruits and vegetables on the checkout conveyor belt as a unit, and let your cashier round them up (if they've dispersed) and ring them up. The minimal amount of extra effort required is more than made up for by one less plastic bag under your sink and, subsequently, in a landfill.
If you are concerned that they might somehow get "dirty" on the checkout conveyor belt, I would respond that the conveyor belt is no more germy than the hands that put them on the shelf. I'm guessing (hoping) you're going to wash them anyway, so simply rinse them a few moments more.
Now I recognize this isn't a bandwagon everyone is going to want to jump on immediately. If this is true for you-- if you're looking for an incremental step-- I recommend beginning with bananas.
They have their own bag.
Now, I will admit that bringing in your own bags to collect your groceries is not for everyone (much as I wish it was) but, to me, putting a bunch of carrots in a plastic bag, 3 peaches in a plastic bag, 5 lemons in a plastic bag... All before putting them all in another, larger plastic bag....Well, it's a bit upsetting.
What would I recommend instead?
My request would be to simply lay your fruits and vegetables on the checkout conveyor belt as a unit, and let your cashier round them up (if they've dispersed) and ring them up. The minimal amount of extra effort required is more than made up for by one less plastic bag under your sink and, subsequently, in a landfill.
If you are concerned that they might somehow get "dirty" on the checkout conveyor belt, I would respond that the conveyor belt is no more germy than the hands that put them on the shelf. I'm guessing (hoping) you're going to wash them anyway, so simply rinse them a few moments more.
Now I recognize this isn't a bandwagon everyone is going to want to jump on immediately. If this is true for you-- if you're looking for an incremental step-- I recommend beginning with bananas.
They have their own bag.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Let's Get Interactive
Hello, hello:
Up until now, "Did They Wow?" was a forum for commentary on the wow factor of various public figures. What I'd like to do now is create a place for day-to-day commentary on the wow factor of those around me (and you.) Did someone near and dear to you wow you? Or were you, in fact, not wowed?
Because I don't wish to skew negative, I'll put the following story from my day into a positive light and let you take away from it what you will:
Should you set up a meeting with someone and find you have to cancel because you are not, in fact, in Manhattan, you will wow them far more if you don't let them know this ten minutes before the meeting time when they are already sitting in your office having come in from outside Manhattan themselves solely for this meeting.
You will wow them even more if you let them know this via telephone, rather than via email.
Your thoughts?
Up until now, "Did They Wow?" was a forum for commentary on the wow factor of various public figures. What I'd like to do now is create a place for day-to-day commentary on the wow factor of those around me (and you.) Did someone near and dear to you wow you? Or were you, in fact, not wowed?
Because I don't wish to skew negative, I'll put the following story from my day into a positive light and let you take away from it what you will:
Should you set up a meeting with someone and find you have to cancel because you are not, in fact, in Manhattan, you will wow them far more if you don't let them know this ten minutes before the meeting time when they are already sitting in your office having come in from outside Manhattan themselves solely for this meeting.
You will wow them even more if you let them know this via telephone, rather than via email.
Your thoughts?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
